As many of you know, my name is Lem, the owner & creator of all things Disco Lemonade. When people asked "what's the story behind Disco Lemonade?" I would respond "Oh yeah, it's from the song Sex & Candy." I resonated with the woman he sang about, someone that walked in a room & all eyes were on her. Embodying an absolute icon. This is how I always wanted my designs to make the person wearing them feel. All eyes on her...the star of the god damn show.
The name stuck as my brand grew bigger & I even developed the nickname "Disco Lem!" Cute! I loved it. I was IN IT. To say the least, Disco Lemonade became my life & my entire being. It was everything to me. It was a dream come true...for my designs to be worn by beautiful humans & to connect/create for/with fellow artists I admired. Finally my dream to become a fashion designer was my reality. Something I had dreamt of becoming since I was 6 years old, but never quite felt I took the right educational path to get there. Studying the wrong things in college, going to a school where I stuck out like a sore thumb & giving too much attention to jobs that made me feel empty, always just trying to find a place where I fit in. My inner child knew what I was meant to be all along & I finally embraced it.
I considered my business to be my baby, I built her from scratch. In my childhood bedroom in my parents house at 23 years old, running it full time in 2020, I spent every paycheck I made as a web designer on new fabrics, dedicating every free moment I had to sewing, learning & bringing my visions to life.
With that being said, my so called "dream life" was deeply overwhelming. I was constantly working. It was non-stop. My desire to get bigger, to sell more, to do as much as I possibly could...became an addiction. I was up every night sewing until 4am, working to get my orders completed for all these beautiful girlies who were waiting patiently for me to catch up. The pressure of meeting a processing time deadline was the first level of stress. Then there was my obsession with making something new, something better, something more beautiful, something my followers would love & go on my website at drop time to hopefully snag over all the other girlies trying to snag it too. It was a high that I was constantly chasing, but it was never quite enough. You can only imagine my cortisol levels & girlie pop that shit kills you.
I believe all the stress began to manifest in other ways. I felt appreciated by so many, but the critiques, made-up stories, gossip & hurtful words I read on the internet began to stand out to me. Instead of being aligned in my truth, I was allowing the negativity of others to lower my frequency. I am a Pisces Moon, a sensitive being. The lack of separation between my art & myself & reading hateful things on the internet was a mentally destructive combination. The online realm can be a terrifying place. People say things that aren't true & post hurtful comments without thinking they are speaking about an actual human being. We all know deep inside that hurt people hurt people, but being on the other side is not easy. It takes a life time of self-love to truly feel free of the burdens of what others say about you & have true empathy for those who seek validation through common hatefulness.
It was wild to see how the art that once fueled me could destroy my mental health to this extent. I had so many beautiful people supporting me, loving me & helping me when my social media accounts were repeatedly disabled, but somehow I could only see the negative. I had my blinders on. I identified so closely with my brand "Disco Lemonade," the negative comments made about my art, felt like an attack on me personally. My identity as a human being at this point was completely lost.
My goal was always to make those wearing my work feel their absolute best self. Empowered & breaking necks everywhere they go, as I used to say. I channeled all my creative energy into this. I channeled all of my light into my art. How can something that used to feel so good & embody what I felt I was here to do on this planet, hurt me so bad?
These negative thoughts manifested into something even worse, a lawsuit. A lawsuit that I felt at the time, I had no choice to partake in it. Hind sight being 20/20, I know this is not true, but over the last couple of years I now understand that the victim mentality had to go & the only way out was through. I needed to experience the heartbreak and truly surrender.
I could just give the name away, it would have been so simple. So easy! But at the time, letting go of the name "Disco Lemonade" felt like part of me was dying. Dramatic. I know. But I had invested quite literally everything into this & for some reason to me that felt like the name "Disco Lemonade." That's what everyone knew me as. That's what the cute Disco girlies would scream at you when you walked by at a music festival, rocking the Fairy Dust Disco Dress, shining & sparkling like a real life fairy. But damn, I was so so so so drastically wrong. It was when I decided I no longer needed to be "Disco Lemonade," everything to started to fall into place.
The day I got my Instagram back for the final time (after it being taken down 4 times..maybe 5? it's a blur lol) I immediately changed the name to @vanishingfae.co. I created the username "Vanishing Fae" as the last & final backup Instagram account almost a year before. After being taken down so many times on every account I tried to make, I was exhausted. I remember telling my bestie, this would be the last time I made another account. I was so close to just giving up. I couldn't handle one more frickin' time opening up my phone and seeing my entire art portfolio unjustly taken from me. I made it as a joke, like omg I come & I go, oooOOoOoo spooky I am a Vanishing Fae. But she never got taken down. The longest standing warrior was miss Vanishing Fae. The joke. Ah the universe do be like that sometimes.
After 2.5 years of going back & forth in this lawsuit, we finally came to a settlement in June 2024. I got everything I wanted. After ALL of that. I received my trademark for the name Disco Lemonade, I got an unkind woman to leave me alone FINALLY. The slander & bullying stopped. The crying stopped. The constantly worrying if my social media accounts were going to be disabled tomorrow was finally over. But at that point, I just didn't care about the name "Disco Lemonade" anymore. The second I let it all go, I was rewarded & how many god damn times did I need to be taught this lesson. Not today Satan. If this is the energy of "Disco Lemonade" I will kindly pass.
Perhaps the name means nothing. Perhaps it's who I am becoming that means something. Perhaps it's my art that people love & no matter what name I have, they will always follow & always support me. It is with that being said, I welcome you to the era of Vanishing Fae. The longest standing warrior.
Thank you so much if you read this far & have supported me along this entire journey. Or if you are new here, I welcome you to a new era! I would not be here without all of you & for that I am eternally grateful.